Ask any special needs mom, and she will tell you that life is just different compared to that of a non-special needs mom. Case in point:
The difference between a special needs mom and a "normal" mom when shoe shopping...
SNM check list when choosing new shoes for herself:
- Can I chase after my child in them?
- Can I put them on/take them off with no hands.
- Can I wear them and carry/lift my child without a risk of hurting either one of us?
- Do they have enough support my feet won't hate me anymore than they have to at the end of my 20 hour day?
- Can I wear them with any outfit, casual or nice?
- Can they be cleaned easily?
- Can I afford them?
Non- special needs mom when choosing shoes:
- Do I like them?
- Can I afford it?
When choosing clothes:
SNM
- Is it machine washable?
- Can I lift, bend, crawl, run, climb, sit stand, and lay down in it without it tearing, ripping, riding up, slipping down, or exposing more of me than a normal human being would be comfortable seeing?
- Will it show stains easily?
- Is it machine washable?
- Is it comfortable?
- Is it machine washable?
- Can I afford it?
NSNM
- Do I like it?
- Can I afford it?
I may have over simplified the Non Special Needs Mom list, (okay, no maybe there- yes, yes I did simplify it) but the other ones are pretty accurate. For example- picture this:
An 8 year old boy with cerebral palsy who uses a wheelchair and is non-verbal is in church with his family. Suddenly he starts crying- screeching like he's in pain uncontrollable traumatized alligator tear crying- because one of the songs made him sad. Usually Dad wheels him out into the foyer (it has happened before) and he calms down and they come back in.... until the next song...
However today Dad was called last minute to take care of a technical emergency so Mom gets to do it this time. Except this time the little boy doesn't calm down when taken into the foyer. So Mom pulls him out of his wheelchair into her lap to comfort him. But that doesn't work either. At this point his wailing is really interrupting the service, so she carries him outside. She walks around a little bit with her 40 pound boy, and decides to try sitting down on the stairs. He calms a little bit but then starts in again, after wiping his runny nose and wet eyes all over her top. So she stands up again (still holding her son who is unable to sit or stand on his own). Her oldest son comes out to see if she needs any help, and she gratefully sends him in to grab the wheelchair and phone she left in the foyer. She then proceeds to put her son back in the wheelchair, and back him down the soft grass hill to the sidewalk (since the wheelchair accessible ramp is on the other side of the chapel) and do laps around the building. After turning on music on the iPod (that doesn't make him sad) and doing laps outside for 45 min. the sweet little boy whose eyes are red and swollen, but is smiling again, and his mom who loves him so much and whose heart breaks when she doesn't know how to help him, are ready to go back inside and go to the rest of their classes.
Now, imagine doing all of that while wearing stilettos. For the first time.
These stilettos to be exact. (Aren't they cute?) Luckily my skirt was long enough and loose enough... Those shoes sat in my closet for two years- an impulsive "it's on clearance, I love how they look, I don't feel like being practical" buy. And then I had that impulsive "I'm going to be impractical -Hubby will be there to help me- wear whatever I want moment". And then life like it always does, threw a curveball.
Moral: when you have a special needs child practical wins every time.
As I was walking home from church that Sunday, I realized just how much being a special needs mom has impacted all areas of my life- even down to which clothes and shoes I wear (normally). And because it is just the way things are, I hadn't even noticed.
Being a special needs mom isn't just taking care of a child with special needs. It changes your life, it changes you. It isn't right, it isn't wrong, it just is. And that is okay. Because at the end of the day, it's not about stilettos or sneakers. It's about doing all I can as a mother to give my son the opportunity to be as healthy and happy as possible. And I'm okay with that.
