Better than Birthday Cake: Revel Bars

It was my son's birthday yesterday. He requested these instead of cake. A fellow after my own heart.

Revel Bars (taken from Better Homes and Gardens New Cookbook...with a bit of tweaking)

Ingredients:

1 cup butter or margarine (I did half and half)

2 cups packed brown sugar

1 teaspoon baking soda

2 eggs

2 teaspoons vanilla

2 1/2 cups flour

3 cups rolled oats

1 1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips (I prefer half semi/half milk)

1 14 oz can sweetened condensed milk (low-fat okay too)

2 teaspoons vanilla

Directions:

Cookie dough: Set aside 2 Tablespoons butter. In large mixing bowl beat butter with electric mixer for about 30 seconds (till it's light and fluffy). Add in sugar and baking soda. When that is mixed, add in eggs and 2 teaspoons vanilla. Mix in all of flour, and then oatmeal. Dough should be slightly stiff (if it is extra sticky or runny add more flour). The recipe doesn't call for it, but we like to add 1/2 teaspoon salt. Add it at the same time you add the flour.

Filling: in a medium saucepan combine the 2 tablespoons leftover butter, chocolate chips and the condensed milk. Cook over low heat until the chocolate melts, stirring occasionally. (or heat in microwave at 50% power for 30 seconds, stir, and then at 15 second intervals until chocolate is melted). Stir in vanilla (and nuts if you're a nut fan, which we are not). (I forgot the vanilla this last time and it tasted good anyway, so in my opinion, the vanilla is optional).

Press 2/3 of the dough into a 15x10x1" pan. (We don't own one of these so I used a 9x13" pan, and a small 4x6" baking dish. Another option is to use a jelly-roll pan, and only press dough into 2/3 of the pan). Pour the chocolate filling over the pressed cookie dough, and spread around to cover every inch - after all, chocolate is what it is all about. Take the remaining 1/3 part of the cookie dough, and "dot" it on top of the chocolate filling. You should be able to see the chocolate between the "dots" of dough. I found it easiest to get a piece of plastic wrap, and then take a spoonful of the dough, place it on the plastic, and smash it flat with my hand, and then place on the dough. The other option is to just drop small spoonfuls onto the dough. (I don't like this method because it is hard to get it to bake evenly).

Bake at 350 degrees for about 25 minutes, or until the top of the cookie dough looks lightly browned. Cool, and cut into bars. Or decorate for a birthday. Either or :) Most of all, enjoy!

Baked Parmesan Tilapia

Warning: This my first attempt at a "foodie post"
This is one of our family favorites. Believe it or not, Tilapia is something I can fix, and everyone in my family is happy. This is definitely not a healthy variety, but it sure is tasty :) I found a couple of recipes on Food.com and combined them to get this. Enjoy!

Baked Parmesan Tilapia

Ingredients:

6 thawed tilapia fillets

1/2 cup mayonnaise

1 lemon

two scallions finely chopped

2 cloves garlic finely chopped

salt

1/3 cup grated parmesan cheese (we use the kind in a can)

Directions:

Cover a flat baking sheet with tin foil (one with edges is preferable so the juices don't run off). Move the top rack in your oven to the second highest placement. Preheat your oven to 400 degrees.

In a bowl combine the mayo, scallions, garlic and salt (about 1/4 tsp). Cut your lemon in half and squeeze half of the lemon juice into the mayo mixture, and stir in along with the parmesan cheese. If it seems runny to you, add more cheese. The consistency should be slightly thicker than the plain mayo.

Place the tilapia fillets on the tin foil, and drizzle the melted butter over each individual fillet. Sprinkle salt over the fish, and then squeeze the remaining half of lemon juice onto each piece. Take the mayo mixture and put a scoop on each fillet and spread it so the top of each is completely covered.

Place in the oven and cook for 12-15 minutes. Check the fish, it will be done when the fish flakes (pulls apart) easily, and the top is starting to brown. Depending on the thickness of your fish it may take up to 20 min. to finish.

Serve it with a nice starch, some veggies and you've got yourself a delicious meal!

Handbook Installment 1

Being prepared: Lists of items for doctors visits and hospital stays

Having a sick child can be a scary thing. Especially when they are medically fragile. Keeping your head on straight and being able to think of all the things you might need can be stressful just when you don't need any more stress. So, the trick is to have it all prepared before hand, so all you have to do is grab your bag and run.
The following is a list of things to always have in the "diaper bag". If this seems like too much stuff to constantly carry around, keep the list in the diaper bag and make sure you have the items before you head to the doctor's office. I've made a couple different lists because an infant's needs are going to be different from a toddler's needs, and even more different than an older child. Medically fragile children are constantly at one doctor or the other. This list is what I had every time i went to the doctor and the reasoning behind it. You will need to modify it to the specific needs of your child.

Infant Diaper bag

• diapers (I usually had around 10)
• wipes (full package, these are great for cleaning more than just little bottoms)
• two full outfits
• extra receiving blanket
• pacifier (or two)
• diaper rash ointment
• enough water and formula for at least two feedings. (My son had an extra calorie mixture so I had these pre-mixed in little containers). ( if your child has a GTube, then whatever supplies are needed for that) (and if you are able to breast feed you are beyond lucky!)
• list of current medications and doses and times given (many times your doctors office has a program you can sign up with, and they will print off for you your child's complete medical history, including medications, doctors, past surgeries etc.)
• comfort items (favorite toy, blanket, etc.)
• snacks for mom (enough to tide over a skipped meal)
• book, magazine, something for mom's (or dad's) entertainment
• an extra shirt for mom/dad (barf, poop, pee happens, usually on you!)

Toddler Diaper Bag:

• diapers
• wipes
• one complete outfit
• four hours worth of food (in whatever form your child takes it)
• medical history
• entertainment for child (toys, books, other)
• comfort item for child (for us this was an iPod, nothing soothes him like music, and with headphones placed close to his head he was able to hear the music, without disturbing others. We also put a couple of his favorite videos on it, priceless for the extra long doctor's visits)
• food for parent
• Entertainment for parent (book, magazine, smart phone, etc)

These are basic items that any child/parent will need (yes need). Depending on the medical condition of your child there may be other items you should bring each time, for example oxygen, dressings/bandages, pain medicine, any medicine that needs to be administered at a certain times, ways to protect your child from exposure to other things (like a blanket to throw over the infant carrier or stroller) I usually estimated things would take an hour longer than anticipated, and two hours longer if I thought extra tests would be run.

Speaking from experience, and much time spent at the doctor's office, it is much better to be over prepared then under. If you have the things you might need, then you don't have to stress about the little things and be able to concentrate on what the doctor is telling you. It is so hard to be anywhere, and not have the things you need to help your child be comfortable and happy.

Extra tips: Write down the symptoms you are concerned about. I found that without fail I would start talking to the doctor and not be able to remember everything I was going to say. I'd get flustered and feel silly. Also, when you sign in at your doctors office, request to be put in a room immediately. You'll have to wait for the same amount of time to see the doctor, but it wont be in the waiting room with all the sick children.

Being prepared for a hospital visit

If you think there might be something seriously wrong with your child, there are a few more items you should be prepared with.
For the first year of my son's life I had a toiletry bag ready to go. Whenever I felt he might need extra medical help, I would take it along. These are the items I included- things that will tide you over until someone can bring you long-term supplies.

Toiletry Bag

• travel toothbrush (one with a lid so it could just go back in the bag)
• toothpaste
• contact solution
• contact case
• extra pair of contacts
• disposable razor
• shampoo
• body wash
• travel size deodorant
• fingernail clippers
• lotion
• chapstick/ lip gloss
• pair of glasses (throw these in last minute)
• mini notepad and pen
• hair tie, clips, etc.
• mini brush/comb

If you don't have an extra shirt in your diaper bag, bring along one of those too. And if you feel inspired to bring an extra shirt, you might want to throw in a clean pair of socks, because wearing dirty socks for three days can get kind of stinky.... literally.

Hospital stays

When your child is medically fragile it is good to have a game plan/philosophy for the inevitable hospital stay. After having to leave our little one every night for three months when he was in the NICU, we decided we would not be leaving him alone in the hospital again. As a result, one of us is always in the hospital with our son. Most pediatric rooms have a fold out bed, some more comfortable than others :-). I have friends who do better if they go home every day, and others who split the week between home and the hospital. The distance of your home from the hospital will also help determine some of the logistics of a hospital stay.

The following is a list of items it is good to have for hospital stays. In our situation hospitalizations have occurred in hospitals more than an hour and a half away, so running home for something, or for meals, etc. hasn't been an option. This list is assuming the hospital stay will be for a week or less

Hospital list
Clothes

• One shirt for each day you think you'll be there (usually each shirt can be worn more than once, but this will insure you have enough in case your stay is extended, or if you are spit up on, etc)
• A pair of pants per every 2-3 days
• Enough under garments for one per day, plus an extra (inevitably you are there longer than the doctors say. If you want a more realistic time frame, ask the attending nurse what the average stay is for whatever type of procedure/issue you are in for.)
• Socks (again, pack an extra pair or two)
• Slippers or flip flops for the middle of the night. (I usually end up getting up at least once in the middle of the night to see to my child's needs, help the nurse, etc., it is nice to not have to either walk around barefoot, or have to put on my socks and shoes to do so)
• Pair of pajamas or sweats (choose something you wouldn't feel embarrassed having the nurses, doctors, or techs seeing you in because blood work, rounds, and doctor visits usually occur between 5:00 and 9:00 in morning, typically before 7:00 a.m. in my experience.)
• Jacket/sweatshirt (even if it is summer outside, hospital rooms are generally cold)

General note: choose clothing you are going to be comfortable in, -in my experience you will spend at least one day holding your child for hours on end in a hospital chair going numb and not wanting to move a muscle because your child has finally found a comfortable position and stopped crying. Comfy clothes are a must. Also items that you don't care about getting potentially stained (throw up happens, and medicine doesn't
always go where it is supposed to).

Entertainment

• Books (I suggest a variety of types of reading material... A least for me my mindset tends to differ from day to day, so what I feel Iike reading changes as well)
• Laptop/iPad (while these aren't necessary they provide convenient access to the outside world, and a different type of diversion... Most hospitals now have free wifi)
• Cell phone and charger (I would state firmly that a cell phone is a necessity for a family with a medically fragile child. Even if it is just one you add minutes to as needed, there are so many things you will have to address from the hospital, family to keep updated, neighbors/friends to enlist help from, a spouse (hopefully) to coordinate things with, not to mention the very basic fact that it can get lonely sitting in a hospital room day after day with no other adult interaction than that of the occasional visitor, and the personnel assigned to your child)
• Something to do that doesn't require much thought or focus (Hand work like Knitting or crocheting, card games, doodle pads, cross word puzzles, word games, etc. )

Food

• Food can get expensive, and it can be hard to coordinate time to slip away with the hours of the cafeteria, etc. So it is always good to have a few snacks in your bag to tide you over a skipped meal, or just for those times you need something to munch on. Choose things that have protein and that can be more filling than candy and chips, although those things have a place too. Believe me, the need for comfort food (chocolate, chocolate, and more chocolate) is very real, and paying $1.50 for a candy bar.... bites.
• Every hospital I've been to provides ice water for parents, and some provide coffee.

Items for the hospitalized child

• comfort items- favorite blanket, stuffed animal, music, etc.
• entertainment: favorite music, videos, or toys
• anything you can think of to make the stay easier for your child. For example, my son refuses to drink from a rubber nipple, it has to be silicone, so I always have one with me in case the hospital doesn't carry one.
• communication devices (if needed)

*** Hospital stays are hard, emotional, stressful times, for you and your child. Being prepared, and taking care of your needs will give you the strength and ability to take care of your child during this hard time.

"The Good Wife" part 2

Be happy to see him.
Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
Listen to him.

At first I was only going to share my thoughts about the second line, but these seemed to go together so well, that I'm including them all. Is it just me, or aren't these actually good ideas? If you're not happy to see your husband when he gets home, something is seriously wrong with your relationship. Is there something wrong with liking to see your best friend at the end of the day? And who hasn't had one of "those" days when you are counting down the seconds until he gets home and can rescue you from all of the chaos? Believe me, I was definitely happy to see him as he walked through the door the last time I had one of those days! If we want our husbands to continue to come home at the end of the day, doesn't it make sense that he should look forward to coming home? If we never meet him with joy, only disgruntled relief, whining and complaining, or worse, anger, where is the motivation?

As for the second one, our husbands worry about us a whole lot more than they let on. When I was a younger mother (I can still consider myself a young mom cause I don't have teenagers yet, right?) I made the mistake of only complaining about my day. Seth would come home from work and I would only tell him about the bad things. All of the frustrating, aggravating, disappointing, "I can't do this for one more minute", things that happened while he was at work, school, or serving in his church responsibilities. All of the messes the boys made, how hard it was to be home all day without a car, and only the boys company, how tired I was, etc. He was gone a lot, and only had the information I gave him to judge how things were going at home. Every now and then I would talk about having five or six children (we had two at the time), and he would say something about not thinking we could handle that many. I thought he was just joking, or talking about himself. (I grew up in a family with 8 children, he had 4 with a large break between the first two and second two). One day he said "Melissa, I really don't think you can deal with very many more children". When I asked him why, he said it was because all I do is talk about how hard it was, how difficult everything is and he worried about me.
Basically, because all I did was complain, instead of talking about the happy things that occurred - the times we laughed, how fun it was to see my boys learn something new, the joy I found in overcoming a challenge, the "I love being a mom" moments - he had a skewed view of my life, and my abilities. My complaining caused him to worry needlessly about me, and almost affected a very large decision of lasting consequence. So, before you start complaining, take stock, and define what picture you want to portray, and if complaining isn't going to portray that picture, don't! I'm not saying that sharing the hard things, the things we complain about is bad, I just think (and I just came up with this), that complaining doesn't get us the results we are looking for. I think I was looking for compassion, someone to say "that must have been hard, I hope tomorrow is a better day for you". Someone to acknowledge my difficulties, and then help me move past them. I think there is a better way to get the results we are seeking, and that is called communication, something a little bit different than complaining.
Which brings us to the third point on that list, Listen to him.
I was going to go ahead and address this idea in this post, but I find that I have so much to say on the topic of listening and communication that it is going into a post of it's own.
So, until then, be happy, and enjoy painting :)

"The Good Wife" part 1

The following article was read to us in Sunday School this past Sunday.

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
• During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
• Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
• Be happy to see him.
• 
  
• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
• Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
• Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
• Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
• A good wife always knows her place.

It was supposedly an article from a Good Housekeeping 1955 article, but that is questionable and most likely the article is a fake.

At the onset, the suggestions are outrageous and laughable. What woman in this day and age is going to "submit" to the ideas in this article? And besides, who wears ribbons now-days anyways?
But here's the kicker, take away the "reasons" given to do those things purported in this article, namely that -"the man is the husband and ruler and you must cater to his every whim because you are only the woman and wife" - and the suggestions really aren't that bad, and even have some truth behind them. I will talk about only two of them, citing personal experience, but I think some of the others could apply as well. Read on, and see what you think.
First, some background. I am a mother of five young boys, one of which is severely handicapped. My husband works 12+ hours a day, plus a 35min-2 hour commute every day. I am up before 6:30 and often don't go to bed until after 11:00, and anything more than a 2-hour stretch of sleep is a miracle. I know what crazy is, I know what tired it, I know from experience that life throws up on you, quite often more than once a day. I also must share that I have a husband who is understanding and helpful. He cleans bathrooms, cooks dinner (outshining me on some instances), will watch all of the children so I can have a needed break, etc. If I did nothing all day but hold a baby and read a book, he would say nothing to me, but come home after his busy day and start cleaning the house and feeding the children. I share all of this because I don't want anyone to mistake me for a "brow-beaten" wife, whose husband expects her to do the things listed above.
So, here's the deal. This past week, before this article was shared, I knew that my husband was having a stressful, busy week. I knew that his hours at home would be fewer, and that he was tired from late nights and early mornings. I wanted those hours he was home to be spent with us, not spent doing household chores. So, more than I have recently, I made an effort to do the chores I would normally save for Saturday, when the whole family was home, during the week. with the help of my boys we tried to have the main living space of our house tidied, and on a few occasions even vacuumed, right before he came home so it didn't have a chance to get messed up again. I tried really hard to at least have dinner started before he walked through the door, and sometimes I even timed it right, and it was ready for him (not an easy task when you're dealing with L.A. traffic).
I chose to do these things because I wanted to make his life easier. I wanted him to be able to come home and relax and enjoy time together with his family. I did them for him, not because I had to, and you know what? Surprise surprise, it helped all of us. Ask any mother and she will tell you the hardest part of the day is between supper and bedtime (or if we really want to be honest the time between when the children get home from school and bedtime). We are worn out, frazzled, and just ready to be done for the day, and there are still at least three more hours to get through. Getting my house straightened, and at least all but the dinner dishes done, and having dinner ready to go not only made things more relaxing for my husband, (and yes, he noticed and was appreciative), but it made things more relaxing for me! Our evenings were more peaceful, our Saturday was more enjoyable, and I felt good because I had a sense of accomplishment that I had actually done something more than wipe noses and fold laundry. The list above makes one want to deride and minimize the effect we as mothers and wives can have. It takes away the joy in being a homemaker. Is it really wrong to "Be happy to see him"? or "Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him"? Is there something wrong in wanting to please your husband? No, the article is only wrong because it changes one crucial fact, when we do these things it is because we choose to do them out of love for our families, not because it is our "duty".